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Postcards From The Daughter of a Narcissist

October 15, 2016

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Aha! Moments Stories to make sense of abstractions

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Mirror Child

When you grow up in a household where you are not allowed to become an individual where all your attempts to develop who you are, and find some self worth of your own are criticized, and belittled, you stop seeing yourself. because the self you have - is not your true self it is only the self you are allowed to have - someone else's choice of who you are a poorly constructed and distorted reflection of yourself. A mirror child. What you seem to do is submit to becoming defined by your parent and this means your self worth, self esteem, understanding of yourself and your capabilities are all formed outside yourself. but You don't know that this is not normal. Just understanding that there are other ways of being will evade you - after all its not something that children talk about in the playground. Not even something most adults would understand in discussion unless it was something you had been through yourself - and perhaps even fought with on ...

Narcissus the Fantasist

At the start of this Narcissist was a convenient label and understanding that you are dealing with someone who has a high level of self absorption is a basic starting block you need to push yourself away from to get moving, but wondering about narcissism, like most things would seem to be far more complex than that simple first understanding. I read the story of Narcissus - just as an idle aside from some of the research that I did on the condition, and like most people I guess - I looked thoughtfully, but with no direct association, at the pictures of Narcissus. There he was a youth staring into the water at his own reflection, someone who was unable to tear himself away from the reflection of his own beauty until he eventually died there, so transfixed by his own reflection. I skimmed over it - I didn't fill in the gap - I don't think the story is usually told with the gap filled in. But once you see the problem with the story - you can't unsee it. A pe...

The Scapegoat and the Golden Child ?

To relieve of sin and carry it away, take it with them to die in the desert and thus absolve others. That was the role of the scapegoat in one religious text. The appeal of being able to take all the blame and responsibility for your thoughts and actions, place them on someone else, and be absolved of responsibility is so massive it forms the basis of some religions. Is it therefore surprising we see a similar dynamic appear on a smaller scale even within a family unit? In a family this might mean the scapegoat is the person who is blamed for a whole variety of the families problems. Often emotionally abused the scapegoat can be so conditioned to their role within the family they can frequently end up in the position of apologising to the abuser. Perhaps as a snapshot of conversation between a parent and child this might sound like: "I had to smack you, you were being so naughty!" "I'm sorry Mummy, I'm so sorry I made you angry, I'll b...

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